The Boy Who Cried Retirement

Brett Favre is always lauded for the "boyish" attitude with which he plays the game. You know, that good 'ole gun slinging, shovel passing reckless abandon, the type that leads to moments like this. So with his recent retirement talk I have written a modern adaptation of a classic fable that fits him all too well. I call it 'The Boy Who Cried Retirement.'

There was once a boyish quarterback who was bored and decided to throw the pigskin around with a bunch of high school kids each summer. To amuse himself, he would cry out to the media, "I'm retiring! I'm retiring!"

The media came running to his story, putting out montages and mourning his retirement. But when they got to the end of training camp, the fans  found out he had lied. The boy laughed as he had missed all of training camp and still been on TV for five weeks straight!

Later, the boyish quarterback again called out "I'm retiring! I'm retiring!" To his naughty delight, he again watched the media run to his ego and stroke it some more, reporting his story on all platforms.

When the fans saw that he wasn't really retiring when he claimed he was, they grew tired of the act and said "Save your retirement talk for when you're ACTUALLY retiring!
   
But the boyish quarterback just laughed and came back for another season, watching the nauseated fans in delight.

Later (summer 2010) he was ACTUALLY retiring (or so reports say). Once again, he screamed out "I'm retiring! I'm retiring!"

But the fans thought he was just trying to get out of training camp again, so they paid the boyish quarterback's claim little attention.

By day's end, the fans wondered why the boy hadn't held a press conference yet announcing his plans. The media went to find him. He was weeping on a tractor outside his Mississippi home.

"I really am retiring. All the reports said it. Why didn't anyone believe me?" he said.

An old coach tried to comfort the boyish quarterback as they walked back to his abode.

"We'll help you look for your lost pride in the morning," he said, putting his arm around the fortysomething-year-old man. "Nobody believes a liar, not even when he's telling the truth! BOOM!"


- Inspired by Aesop's "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"